Showing posts with label reflections on life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflections on life. Show all posts

Sunday, March 26, 2017

The best free show on earth

And a very good morning to you my lovely readers. I'm full of the joys of summer. Were you up early enough to see the beautiful sunrise this morning? Isn't it just the best free show on earth? I went to bed early and got up early. Made a coffee, and watched it rise behind the trees at the bottom of my garden. Not my trees, the silver birches are in the garden behind mine. A panoramic view from my upstairs window. 



Stunning, love the whispy reds. It's looking like another blue sky day today. Yesterday I started my walks again, the leg is better, then another afternoon in the summer house. Could be the same pattern for today. Best make the most of the nice weather.

I hope you have a lovely Sunday, with your mum, your kids and grandkids if you have any. My mum would have been 99, sadly she died 35 years ago. Love you mum.

Thanks for popping in, we'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Closure.

Closure.

Hello. Sunday morning and it's sunny, what could be better. The whole day ahead of me, brilliant.

Something I need to get off my chesticles. Oh no, not that chuffin Troll again, yep, but this is something I have to explain. Many people have said I should ignore and delete the comments, and if I publish, it only feeds them. Troll will be jumping up and down with glee knowing they have got the publicity they crave and knowing they have got to me. Well I don't see it that way.

I don't give a toss about the feelings of the Troll, the only person I care about is me. Self preservation is the name of the game. It isn't about a battle between them and me, it's about me feeling good about myself. Bottling something up inside is a form of self destruction, letting it all go is opening the pressure valve and that's what I did. I don't spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself because why should I? I have a great life and no one can take that away from me. My life is what I have built for myself, and always will be.

Something festering needs to be released. I was getting annoyed by this person who came back time and time again to bully me. I tried the recommended approach, ignore and delete. Yes, that works for a while, and for anyone who has not been bullied in this way, that's easy to say, and not so easy to carry out. Systematic bullying does wear you down even a strong person like me will feel despair at times. Yes, I am resilient, I can bounce back, but there comes a point that whatever you are doing to cope is not working.

I got to that stage, and that's why I had to fight back. As I said, bottling something up, something that is bothering you, putting on a brave face, can lead to all kinds of mental issues. Something has to give. I am a person who needs to be up front, honest, and not afraid to show my true feelings, that's why I am writing as I am now. Secrets fester, putting on a show is false, being something I am not is false. It's the old cliche with me, what you see is what you get.

The Troll is opposite to me. Someone who who is secretly bullying someone under the name Anonymous, has issues, there is something not quite right in their life. I would say to this person, or any bully, get a life. Look inside yourself, do you like yourself, why are you so nasty? Get yourself sorted out, and if you don't there will be Karma, you will one day find yourself in a place you don't want to be.

So, I did what I did for me, I needed to let go of the of the build up which was beginning to take place in my head, and how I do that is by speaking out. I thank you all for your support and advice, I take it all on board, but ultimately it's down to me how best to deal with it. I take full responsibility for my actions.

There have been a couple of  'Sorry, goodbye', comments, which may or may not have been from Anon Troll. To be honest, I don't care if they are sorry or not, it's they who have to live with themselves. My exposing them wasn't about revenge, it was about me being honest, me releasing the pressure, and me doing the best for myself.

The matter rests for now, I have a life to live.

Thanks for popping in. Get yourself outside, keep walking, enjoy where you live. We'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

I have a set of balls

I have a set of balls

Hello. I will never understand how people can be horrible to each other, why they feel the need to bully another human being. Is this a behaviour which is learnt, or are people born bullies? My memory doesn't go back to the beginning of my life, but I can't remember me ever bullying anyone. Indeed I was bullied at school, mainly name calling with reference to my appearance, but that's what kids did then and still do now.

What is the point of bullying exactly? Possibly to exert some kind of authority over someone the bully feels is inferior to them, it massages their ego to gain the upper hand. Possibly the bully feels threatened and needs to lash out to re enforce their own feelings of inferiority, again to 'big' themselves up. Or maybe they have a nasty trait in their personality.

Over the last five years or so, Troll has made it her mission to put me down, to criticize, to belittle me, and to ridicule my blog. The comments come in thick and fast, nearly always anonymous, sometimes with made up names, but always from the same area of the UK. I have a tracker on here. Sometimes they go quiet for a while, the Troll tells me they won't be reading any more. But the temptation is too great and they reappear after a gap of a few months. A little bit like OCD, Troll just cannot help themselves.

I call this person Troll, but in reality it is not trolling, it is bullying. This Troll has admitted that we have met face to face. A real Troll randomly posts nasty comments to everyone and everybody, this Troll is bullying me and it's personal.

Although the comments are aimed at putting me down, at undermining my confidence, after this length of time and the fact that I am still here, you can probably tell it's not working. The comments say more about the Troll than they do about me. I publish a few of them here for your perusal. Some of them are a lot worse than this, they get deleted, but I have saved a few of them so you can look into the mind of a bully. My comments in bold follow each one.

I don’t understand why you have cider and pretend it’s wine. Why not just have wine? Why pretend? Silly giggly video. Sipping it ‘like a lady’ doesn’t cut it for you, not when you’ve already demonstrated eating your meal out of a pan! Definitely not ladylike AT ALL! Not to mention the unmentionables, they’re certainly not ladylike!!!! on Save money on your alcohol.
Troll has no sense of humour. Personal comments about my appearance often crop up.

Posh speaking tone? Do you need a hearing aid my dear? There is nothing posh about mispronouncing the English language. As in ‘everythinK’ on Soup of the day.
in response to Ilona, I just had to watch your soup-making video, and thanks, you really made me smile! I agree that a home-made soup is the very best, though I sometimes throw in a small, diluted tin of chicken noodle soup into one of my concoctions just to make a bigger potful. Anyway, quite enjoyed your posh and clear speaking tone 
I expect the Troll is meticulous about using the English language correctly, both written and speech.
I agree, how rude. So disrespectful to call them Charlie and Cami, perhaps she thinks that’s funny. But what else can you expect from someone who doesn’t have a grasp of the Queen’s English, put everythinK in the soup. on Soup of the day.
A second criticism of how I speak, in the same post. 

Not sure you got your money’s worth there. £10 is an awful lot to pay for a bit of hard skin removing and a blob of moisturiser! on Hugo says.....
Another attempt to belittle me.

You certainly need a tripod. Two minutes of a shaky sink left me feeling quite nauseated. Your housework chores must take an awfully long time, it took you 3 minutes to wash one tiny patch of floor!!! on Getting close up to the job
I expect the Troll's household chores to be nothing less than perfectly timed. Critical of my fun post, again, no sense of humour. 

It’s none of your business whether someone gets paid for walking a dog. Tittle tattle of someone with nothing better to occupy their mind. on Fan of Heartbeat
Is Troll still working and is a little jealous that I can do exactly what I want with my time?

Hmmm, I do recall you yourself do put the occasional swear word on your blog, perhaps it’s marked by *** for some of the letters but the meaning is the same. on Mind your language
Troll has really dug deep to discover this snippet of detail from a blog post long past. Very OCD

Bugsy needs to be warm? Shame that you didn’t think that for poor arthritic Rocky. on Bills Bills Bills
Very below the belt. How low can Troll stoop? Very nasty streak. 

Chocolate Santas...its not Christmas again is it?! on Slashing the grocery bill
Chocolate Santas? Ha ha thought that would make you think. Write a post one day saying you don’t indulge in junk food then expose all on your receipt. You’re sure to say you bought them for someone else now, but we’re not all so gullible. Did you NEED all that veg? There were others who would have liked more. on Slashing the grocery bill
More scrutiny of past blog posts. The Chocolate Santa's were in a small packet costing 25p,  five of them, half the size of my little finger. Regarding all that veg, yes I did need it, and ate it, and there was plenty for others to take. Troll being nasty again. 

I don’t usually comment but find a contradiction here! Ha ha! You don’t want food that’s full of sugar and is junk? What’s cake then? Not to mention Chocolate Santas? CHOCOLATE SANTAS! Go on then tell us they’re for someone else, we’ll believe you! on Slashing the grocery bill
Don't kid me Troll, don't usually comment, ha ha. Three comments on the Chocolate Santa's. 

You could always sell trumpets. on Life is good on a pension
This is reference to blowing my own trumpet, which she has often accused me of in the past. 

What’s the big deal? Ok so you don’t like Christmas or socialising. Neither do I but I don’t make a big deal or fuss about it. Choose to stay home? Then stay home! Who cares? One thing for sure – you’re not likely to get invited next year so you won’t have the choice to make! One difference between you and me - I don’t feel the need to pontificate and repeatedly say ‘I am’ and big myself up. I don’t have an ego the size of a house either! on Only available from a supermarket
Troll, there is a big difference between you and me. I don't continually go onto someone else's blog and pull them to pieces. That's a laugh, ego the size of a house. I have never touted for more readers, more followers, and never entered for any blog awards. Don't need to increase my page views, because there is no financial gain for me to do so.

And the reason for this post is........if you are being bullied, get yourself a set of balls. The bully has the problems not you. Be thankful that you are not walking in their shoes, that your brain functions normally and your mind is not warped. Surround yourself with nice people and let the bullies fester in their own swamp.

I'm going to enjoy the rest of the day, looks good enough outside to go a walk. Thanks for popping in, we'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip 

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Letter to Sam.

Letter to Sam.

Hello. It is still raining and I am not getting much walking done. Never mind, I will catch up eventually, in the meantime I am hooked on painting, pictures that is, not walls. 

An email came in a few days ago which asks a question, and as it is a good topic for a blog post I thought I would answer it here, with the writers permission.  

Hi Ilona,
My name is Sam and I am a young lad from Spain. I just felt the need to write you a "keep up the good work" email, since I have been reading your blog for a while now and find you and your lifestyle truly inspiring. Thanks for showing me that you do not need to conform to a traditional lifestyle and that going against the current is perfectly fine. 

I have only recently started accepting that being very careful with spending is not a bad thing. I was so terrified of coming across as tight. Now I jokingly call myself tight. For me, it's all about trading things for experiences. I want my life to be full of experiences and not just things. Deep down, I have known for years that, for me, being rich is doing meaningful work.

I still have a long road ahead, I struggle every day with family and society's expectations. Not craving people's approval is not something they teach you at school or work. What about you, did you ever struggle with your life choices being frowned upon? Any advice on how to cope with it?
Regards

Hi Sam, 
Thanks a lot for your kind words. I am chuffed that my blog is being read by all ages, and is helpful to you. I love this phrase you use, 'going against the current is perfectly fine'. That's exactly how I feel. Although there has been periods in my life where I felt I had to fit in and be one of the crowd, I am now in a better place having broken away from mainstream expectations. It is a liberating feeling knowing I can be myself, and take full responsibility for my own well being and happiness. I no longer need approval from others to make me feel good.  

It is natural for younger people to want to fit in. Being an outcast when you are young is no fun at all, such is the cruel way that people bully each other. It takes a very brave young person who hasn't been around very long to stand up and say, this is me, this is who I am. 

I followed the normal pattern of a young girl with no qualifications leaving school in 1964, and worked in shops, offices, and factories, in female type jobs because that was expected. Now of course things are different, there is no such thing as jobs for women, and jobs for men, or shouldn't be, as discriminating on the grounds of gender is illegal. 

There is so much pressure these days on keeping up appearances. Everywhere you look there are influences to spend more money. Credit cards, overdrafts and loans to encourage you to spend more. People walking around with a £500 phone stuck to the side of their head, kids who have rich parents, cruising the streets in the flashiest car they can find, young people hooked into the celebrity culture, all of which will ultimately be their downfall as they become bored or the debts wrack up. 

A young person who can stand up and say no thanks to all this, should be applauded, not picked on. Ultimately I think it is the parents responsibility to teach their children good money management, but as we know, a lot of parents don't have the skills in the first place. It's not like it was years ago when I was a child, my mum managed on very little money, and I learnt from her. 

I wasn't too happy about the names I have been called in the past by the press, skinflint, tight, miserly, among others. Stingy was particularly hurtful. But now I wear my badge with pride, people can say what they like, I know I am the winner. I have no need to fit in.

You ask, 'Did you ever struggle with your life choices being frowned upon?'  Yes it was a struggle sometimes, but I have never shied away from questioning myself, and my identity. I often search my feelings deep down in my heart and my mind, even now, it never stops. The way to all learning is to first look inside yourself. All through my life I have questioned my identity, if there was something I didn't understand I would look for the answers. First within myself, and also with the help of books, magazines, and now the internet. There are such a lot of resources available. 

Yes, I know I harp on about this, but it can't be ignored. I felt I was struggling against a tidal wave when I started lorry driving in 1976. So much negativity came my way, I felt like giving up many times. But I stuck with it, the more people said I shouldn't be doing it because it was taking the job off a man, the more determined I became to carry on. I seem to have been blessed with an inner strength. After being bullied at school and made to feel ugly and hopeless, then struggling through my teenage years wanting to fit in with the gang, at the age of 27 I finally found something that I was passionate about, and my inner strength was there to help me. 

You ask for my advice on how to cope with your struggles. Sam, life is a journey, the road you choose is up to you. There will be times when you wonder what it's about. What you should never lose sight of is that you have been blessed with a life, it is a gift, and you have a duty to yourself to make it the best you can. There will be outside influences pulling you in one direction or another. Think things through carefully and make your decision, do you turn left, or do you turn right? One is a dead end, the other is the way forward. Don't worry if you are going in the wrong direction, we all lose our way at one time or another, just turn round and take a different route. 

I often talk about taking responsibility for oneself. What I never do is blame anyone else for the the position I find myself in. My life has been planned by me, I take full responsibility. I have the power to change things if they are not right. I have learnt to rise above any negativity that comes my way, sweep it to one side and ignore. Practice is what you need, Sam, things will get easier with age and experience.

I think I have covered everything, I hope it has been useful to you. Live your life Sam, in the way that you want to, not in the way that someone thinks you ought to. Best of luck. 

We'll catch up soon. Enjoy your Sunday if you can, it's still raining here. 
Toodle pip

Friday, February 3, 2017

Loves young dream.

Loves young dream.

Hello. I've been entertaining myself with my old diaries, I have to chuckle about some of the things I got up to. I was quite a little flirt in my youth, made a beeline for any good looking eye candy that took my fancy. Here are some extracts that made me titter. This romance was quite short lived, about three weeks I think.

David rang at 1.15pm, then he came round and we went to the pub for a couple of pints till 4pm, then back to my place for coffee and a chat. He is lovely. I would like to see more of him but I don't know what he thinks about me. I think he likes me. 

Phone call from David, he asked if I was going to The Swan tonight, and if I wanted to go for a drink at the club on Sunday. I met him at the club then we came back to my place for a coffee. He is lovely, I was sad when he went home. 

I am feeling fed up today, it's hard to find any enthusiasm, why am I like this. I want to talk to David. I tried his number but he is not there. 

David called round in the afternoon. I had made a music tape for him, it was nice to see him. 

I was fed up so I went to the pub at 6.15pm. I was only going to have one drink, but I got chatting and had three pints, it was too much. I rang David at gone midnight, he was not very pleased. He said I am nuts. I must apologize to David. 

Felt lousy this morning, lay on the settee waiting to feel better. I am not going to drink that scrumpy cider again. David came round, we had a chat.

I rang David and he said, come on over, so I did. We stayed in all afternoon watching videos. It's driving me nuts, so near yet so far away. I am going to have to try and cool it because he will get fed up with me. Why is he on my mind every minute of every day. He makes me happy, and I am sad. 

David came at 5.45pm, I cooked us dinner, then we went for a drink. He went at 10.30pm. I tried to get him to stay but he wouldn't. He said he would ring tomorrow. 

Davis hasn't rung, I don't know if he wants to go out with me tomorrow. 

David called round for an hour this afternoon, had a chat. I think I am over him now, he is probably not the one for me. 

Now I know David is not for me, thank goodness I am free.

Oh the heartache I went through when I was younger, did you go through it? I fell hook line and sinker, often jumping in with both feet. Things have changed a lot since then. Now that is all behind me, and I am grateful that I don't have to bother with trying to snare a boyfriend any more. It is such a relief, I couldn't cope with all that drama in my life now. That love thing can be very very complicated, and my simple life is going to stay that way. If I knew then what I know now, it would have saved a lot of heartache.

Thanks for popping in, we'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Works both ways

Hello. It's chuffin cold outside, freezing cold in fact. I went out to do my walk and came straight back in to change into a thicker, heavier jacket with a hood. Three miles and one hour later and I was back. It would have been 50 minutes later, but I stopped to talk to Ken and Jade dog. She was a bit mucky on her back, I expect she is happy now that she can roll about and run free in the fields. 
This was last night's dinner, and I had exactly the same for today's lunch. Piping hot Quorn and vegetable mild curry, very tasty. Another portion left for dinner later. The fridge is bare, not much left in the freezer, and only a few tins and packets. I have to go to town tomorrow so I will pick up some more supplies while I am there. 
Have you noticed that this time of the year is like being in a void. The space between New Year and Easter is a bit of a no mans land. It's all a bit dead and flat. I feel like something ought to be happening, but not sure what. I keep busy, but it's getting a bit samey. I need a project.

It seems I am mentioned in a newspaper article in The Times today, about frugal living. I can just about make out the text on my Twitter feed, it's a mishmash of what's already been in print in various other newspapers. I don't tweet very much, mainly follow people I am interested in. Mainly people I have met, or who I would like to meet.

I was just thinking the other day, that I have never been on a protest march. I can't think of a cause that I feel so strongly about that would tempt me to join in. I have never liked being in a big crowd of people, and have only been to a couple of big star concerts. Cher at Sheffield was good, and Meatloaf at Birmingham was good.

Thinking back to how I was treated as a lorry driver in the 70's and 80's, I felt the best way I would survive was to knuckle down and quietly get on with my job. I always felt I was equal to men, I just happened to be in a different body. Times were tough, the men didn't want me there, but I stuck it out because I felt no matter what I looked like, I was equal to them.

People often asked me what it was like to do a mans job. My answer was always the same, it isn't a mans job, it's anybodies job. Other drivers would ask me, what does your husband think of you driving a lorry? My reply, what does your wife think of you driving a lorry? Years later they eventually got it, and the questions stopped.

Life is unfair for everyone at one time or another. I remember going to London to appear on a chat show on TV. It was a live discussion on a new course offered by Shell, the oil people, to train women to drive trucks and get their licence. I felt this was positive discrimination and unfair. If they were offering free courses for women, they should offer the same amount of free courses to men. In my eyes, equality works both ways.

Anyway, I'd better wrap this up. I need to get off this computer and do something else.

Thanks for popping in, we'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Mind your language

Mind your language

Hello. Isn't it sad that people of supposedly higher than average intelligence feel the need to use foul language when they feel strongly about something. Anger rears it's ugly head in many aspects of our lives these days. The media, including magazines, newspapers, TV, and internet, are all becoming littered with offensive, filthy mouthed swearing. What does this say about the person spewing these profanities? The message I am getting is that it reveals a lack of self control, a lack of anger management, and an inability to express oneself eloquently due to a limited vocabulary.

Keyboard warriors are the worst culprits. It's so easy to punch a few keys on a keyboard before putting your brain into gear, with no thought of how your words might be perceived by the millions out there reading it. Anger mixed with foul language is a toxic combination and belongs in a sewer.

I don't suppose the millions of trolls out there give a stuff about how many people they offend, they see swearing as cool, makes them feel big, gives them a buzz. Anonymous trolls hide behind their anonymity, they haven't the guts to put their names to the bile they spew. They are to be pitied.

Then there are the people who you wouldn't expect to be swearing, those that do put their names to their words. It comes as a bit of a surprise that those well known faces should compromise their position by allowing their anger to bubble up to such a degree that they are no longer in control of their fingers darting across the keyboard.

Mind you, woe betide anyone who dares to challenge the use of foul language, for on social media they can easily be deleted. Warning, when you challenge an angry person who is spewing offensive language, your comment will be dumped. Maybe not immediately, but go back at a later time and it will be gone.

Don't mess with an angry person, it's not worth the hassle. Ignore. Being angry makes them feel good. Leave the anger with them, it's their anger, not yours. Do not take any part of it. Keep calm, move on.

Thanks for popping in, we'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip

PS. Please don't swear in your comments. Thank you.