Ten good reasons why ..............

Ten good reasons why ..............

health observations reflections on life

Hello. There are a lot of things going on around us which might cause us a lot of worry and upset, whether it  be inside our friends and family circle, or outside in the big wide world. It is very easy to be affected by what we see, what we read about and what others tell us face to face, because we all have feelings. Quite often it is difficult to control what we feel because our emotions are personal to us and part of our genetic make up. We can appear to be in control but we can also be caught off guard and become angry or sad pretty quickly when something negative happens. We don't always have a choice about how we feel.

But..... I also believe that in some circumstances our emotions can be controlled and we can learn how to deal with situations which may have a less than desirable outcome.  There are times when I feel that whatever I say or do will not make any difference to how a situation pans out, so it's best to take a back seat and do nothing. This is not to say I am not a caring person because I am. I do feel hurt and sadness, I do have empathy for someone who is in a bad place, but I am not going to beat myself up about something I have no control over whatsoever.

If something has affected me I will try and identify the solution. If I can't do anything to change things, to turn  a negative into a positive, I have to put my own feelings first. My coping strategy is to switch off.

So here are my ten good reasons why I might bury my head in the sand.

1. I can't do anything about it.
2. It's got nothing to do with me.
3. I don't want to know what happened.
4. I don't need to know what happened.
5. I need to protect my sanity.
6. It's not my fault.
7. I can ignore it.
8. It doesn't affect me.
9. I am not responsible for the outcome.
10. I don't need the stress.

You may have your own coping strategies. In these modern times in a fast moving world it would be very easy to absorb all the turmoil and upset we see around us. There has to be a cut off point, a time when we think of ourselves. It's not being selfish, it's a matter of self preservation, putting our own health and well being first.

Thanks for popping in. we'll catch up soon.
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A question and an answer (Topic closed)

A question and an answer (Topic closed)

observations ponderings reflections on life

Comments are still coming in for this topic. Thank you for reading, but I am not publishing any more comments.

Hello. Someone asked a question, I will answer.

Lovely scenery. I wish we had that here where I live. I have a question. Are you at all affected by the refugee/muslim situation or are you too far out in the country to be impacted? I would love to hear the opinion from someone living in England instead of reading about it in the mistrustful media.

Long time readers may remember I wrote a post about the UK being full up and having no room to take more. It is almost three years ago I, aka Nellie, wrote that. It attracted 76 comments, many from people who have looked into the more complex issues of mass migration. I see Britain as a pot flowing over with people it cannot sustain because of weak infrastructures and insufficient resources. I haven't changed my view on this, but I am more mindful of what I say now, as it seems that anyone with this view is labelled as right wing and racist. I am choosing my words carefully. 

The movement of whole populations from one country to another is what I would class as an invasion, Europe is being invaded. The cause of this is the clash between different cultures, war in other places, and economic migrants who want a better life elsewhere. Who do I blame for all this unrest? The internet. People have always moved around the world for one reason or another, but not in such great numbers. Sorry I have not studied history in great depth, so you might know different. Now, everyone with a hand held device and an internet connection can see that life would be somewhat better than the place they were born in, so they want to make the journey. 

We (the UK) need more houses, jobs, hospitals, and schools to accommodate newcomers, the Government tells us the country is bust, no money. We already have a lot of homeless people living on the streets, people waiting for medical care and operations, and classrooms of unacceptably high numbers of children. I can't see how we can take in more without improvements to all these services. 

People will keep on coming, whole armies of them, it's like a great tidal wave that can't be stopped. It's all well and good saying they won't get any benefits for four years if they come here, so what is the Government going to do? Let them starve so they end up stealing to survive, or frog march them forcibly back to where they came from? Questions I don't know the answers to. 

In my crystal ball I see vast culture changes where east and west meet in the middle, neither sides wanting to give up their heritage. Those that come here will want to copy their previous life, on new soil, those that were born here will want to hang on to their British values and principles. It's going to be difficult. It's going to mean change for everyone and people are going to struggle with that. 

In my opinion, if you go and live in another country you abide by their laws, their rules, learn their language and integrate. I choose to stay here because I don't want to do that. If I say any more about that I will be called racist. 

I had better answer the question and stop waffling on. Am I affected by the refugee/muslim situation, or am I too far out into the country to be impacted? At the moment I am not directly affected. I can get to see a doctor if I need to. I expect that to become more difficult as numbers of immigrants swell, so I'd better try and keep healthy. I have a house so I don't have to look for one. 

I can find places of solitude in the country to continue my walking. I have noticed my town becoming more multicultural, and I have to say, this makes me feel uneasy. I am more aware of my surroundings when shopping, looking around me, steering clear of anyone who behaves in an unusual manner. Crime can be committed by any nationality of course, but if someone is desperate there's no telling what they will do. 

In the last few days it has been reported in the press of car jackings, an elderly lady was dragged out of her car and run over as the car was driven away. Not saying that the crook was an migrant, but it makes you think about what could happen. Best to lock yourself in your car as you are driving through built up areas, and not get out if you are approached. 

The sight of so many dark skinned men and youths roaming around the towns in groups makes me feel very uneasy. Am I allowed to say that? It is reported that trafficers are looking for new routes into Britain because of the security at the southern ports is tightening. Only last week a lorry load of human cargo came into Hull docks, it won't stop, there will be more. 

My prediction. In years to come Europe will change beyond all recognition. People have a chance to vote in or out in June, and no one knows exactly what will happen if it goes one way or the other. Discussions welcome, no fighting  :o)

Thank you for the question, I have answered it to the best of my ability.

Thank you for popping in. We'll catch up soon. 
Toodle pip

A delicate subject

A delicate subject

observations reflections on life relationships

Hello. Have you been listening to The Archers? I have to say I gave up with it a long time ago, the story lines were not holding my attention, so I drifted away from it. However, it has been in the news a lot lately, all down to the domestic abuse saga of Helen and Rob which has been rumbling on for around 18 months. I read that they were covering this topic but I didn't feel inclined to jump back in again, it would have brought back unpleasant memories of the past when I found myself in a similar situation. I only know too well what it's like to be the victim of  a bullying control freak, it's a horrible place to be.

A week or so ago I caught the scene where it all came to a head, through not turning the radio off quick enough. Helen took a knife and stabbed Rob, lot's of screaming and shouting. Thank goodness my situation did not escalate to that level, but never the less, my relationship brought a lot of mental stress, which is just as destructive as physical violence. Never under estimate the power of a manipulative mind taking control of another persons personality.

I've found an article in The Guardian in which the writer Michele Hanson says the harrowing domestic story line has her hooked. It is planned to trundle on for another year, as Rob is not dead. I for one will not be listening, I have first hand knowledge to know what it is like to be worn down, to become a shadow of your former self.

I sometimes mention my diaries, picking out little stories to post here, and in order to keep this a happy blog I have skipped over the not so happy times. But hey, life is not all roses, shit happens and you have to find a way to deal with it. I think it's a good idea to include topical subjects, as well as the 'ups', it's also the 'downs', which make me the person I am, and it's my blog so I can say what I like. I'm going to make an exception now of picking out a few entries of the three years or so when I was victim of bullying. You may or may not want to read it, but if it helps someone take stock of their own lives, puts their situation in perspective, and gives food for thought, then it's worthwhile me sitting here and bashing the keyboard.

I got through it in a relatively short space time, but I did think I was trapped forever and I would be stuck in that situation indefinitely. I went round in circles in my head, knowing what I needed to do, but I wasn't quite strong enough to change things, until I saw sense. I have mentioned that I can say what I like now, but it wasn't always like that during the three years of this relationship. I had to be mindful of everything that came out of my mouth, because every word was picked over, dissected, and questioned. My every move was monitored by this person who wanted full control over me. I was interrogated, accused, spied on, manipulated, and all I ever wanted to do was to make it work between us.

I went along with it because saying he loved me was easy words to roll off his tongue. If he got what he wanted he only had to say those words, and I put any doubts to the back of my mind. And it went on, a vicious circle. Eventually those doubts grew from a few seeds, to fully grown stinging nettles. Slowly I began to realize that the relationship was not normal. People, my friends and work colleagues, noticed that I had changed, and I had, to be the person he wanted me to be. I voluntarily made the changes in the beginning, because my single days were over and I was now part of a couple. But after a while I didn't like the new me, I wanted the old one back. There is only so long that you can act in character, it's important to remember the real you inside. I was always a friendly happy person, but I changed that for him. I became introvert, and scared to open my mouth, not like me at all.

Actual words from my diaries. We weren't living together.
T (made up initial), was mad with me because I was talking to M yesterday. He accused me of fancying him. What a horrible mess, we are not getting anywhere. He was annoyed, he finished with me because M was talking to me. I am fed up with the whole situation. T gets mad when he can't see me.

It all went wrong and T was mad with me, he came to the house and was shouting at me. I was ready to finish with him, I put his clothes in a bag, then took them back.

T rang this morning, said I hadn't answered the question he asked yesterday, which was why do I look at all the other men, when I was with him. We then had a stupid conversation which didn't gain anything. I gave him my answer, he said he didn't believe me.

I didn't do much this afternoon, didn't feel like it. Felt sad that I am on my own. T said he might come round, but of course he didn't. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know how he can treat me like he does. I'm just convenient for him to call on whenever he feels like it. I must be stupid to put up with it.

I rang T on the mobile, I have been getting fed up with the situation. I said we are miles apart with differences. He was mad with me. I just want an end to it now. I said this has got to stop, this is the end of the line for me. T is not what I want from a partner, he doesn't know how to love, how to care properly. He is always nasty, moody, snappy, in a bad mood, and miserable. I can't cope with all this gloom and doom.

Fed up with everything, I want to get my life sorted. Can't concentrate while everything is messy. T rang and asked me to pick him up. I said I was upset yesterday about coming back to an empty house after he promised to be there. He asked if I had any feelings for anyone else. The man is screwed up I am sure.

I could go on, but I'll stop there. You get the picture, I was at his beck and call. So how did I get out of it? The discontent on my part had built up over a period of time. I had put so much into the relationship, he was going to be my partner for life, but I wasn't getting anything back from it. He would have gone on for longer, bullying me into getting what he wanted, but I knew I had to get out. I felt a complete failure, he had eroded my personality that much I was a different person. I had to change back to how I was.

It took a while, because he carried on pestering me. He kept ringing for a long time afterwards, eventually the calls got less and less. I did not ask for any help in dealing with it, I wanted to sort it myself, and I did. I got busy, made myself do things, changed things around in my house, started to go out more, and find some new friends. I put the whole sorry situation in a dark hole where it belonged.

I wish it had never started, but it did, and you can't change the past. I have learnt from it, and I will never be in that situation again. I am happy now. I'll put the diaries away now, I won't destroy them because you can never completely erase the past. The Archers abuse story happens every day all over the world. I feel for the women, and men, experiencing it now. The programme is covering a very sensitive subject and needs to be talked about, I won't be listening though.

It's a lovely day, I'm going to open up the summer house and have a potter in the garden.

Thank you for popping in. We'll catch up tomorrow.
Toodle pip