Calling all walkers, report here please.

Calling all walkers, report here please.

arty stuff observations odds-n-sods walking

Hello. My visit to Hull yesterday. First I drove to Barton to have a look at the exhibitions in the Ropewalk Galleries. One was closed due to installing new exhibits, the other was a series of paintings which illustrated Spurn Point, didn't like them much at all, and of course the prices were ridiculous. .

Then I caught the bus to Hull. The fountains in the city centre were advertised as something special, I was expecting them to be arty, colourful, and maybe a bit showy with background music. Like dancing fountains. Don't know where I got that idea from. Nope, It was a splash pad, with jets of water coming up out of the ground and lots of little children having fun playing guess which one is going to spurt next, and let's see what happens if I put my foot on this one. It was a gloriously hot day, ideal for a splash about, kids and mums alike were enjoying it. I remember seeing the fountains in Bradford five years ago and they were shooting up as high as the buildings. Maybe that's why I thought these would be the same. Sorry, no pictures, it is frowned upon to take photo's of small children in their underwear in a public place.

Next stop the Ferens Art Gallery to see the pictures from the Sea of Hull, you may remember that everyone was painted blue and photo's were taken at various locations in the city centre. I was hoping to see more pictures than what had already been shown on the internet. There were two that I hadn't seen before, a lot of naked people were photographed on the Humber Bank with the bridge in the background. They weren't blue, just their own naked skin in the buff. The blue ones I had already seen, albeit in a smaller screen size. Have a look at this report in the Hull Daily Mail on the opening day.

Also part of the Skin exhibition are several nude sculptures by Ron Mueck, some of them larger than life, some in miniature, all of them perfect in every detail. They are so lifelike you have to get up close to see where every hair has been inserted into the model. I was not allowed to take any photo's in the gallery, but if you check out this BBC webpage, there is a picture of the Wild Man. The man is a giant perched on a giant stool, the top of my head came up to his nipples. The rest of the exhibition was fascinating, nude lifelike bodies of different sizes.

I wasn't long in Hull, the bus journey took ages because of the heavy traffic. I picked up a few yellow stickers at Tesco in Barton. A nice cauliflower for 48p marked down from £2, TWO CHUFFIN POUNDS, good grief. Bags of salad leaves for 16p.

The duvet has been deconstructed, and is now three separate pieces, now to start sewing.

Hands up anyone who uses resealable packs as they are supposed to? I find that they are such a faff to get the two sides to stick together that I don't bother. I cut them off completely, fold over, and seal with a clothes peg. Simple. To the manufacturers, get rid of them and knock a couple of pence off the price.

Here's a thought, are young people losing their observational skills? I presented this at the checkout at Wilko, girl scanned it and held out her hand asking for 50p. Hey girl, open your eyes, what does it stay there? I do despair, no wonder the tills are being replaced by self serve, brains are no longer required to be a checkout assistant.

Now to the most important part of today's post, THE WALKING GROUP CHECK IN REMINDER. Come on, are you a bragger, or a fessing up participant, ha ha. Have you broken all records with your walking, or have you failed to get up off your bum? I am a bit of both. I will get on with it when I feel like it, or I can say stuff it, I'll not bother today. I am able to ease up a bit on the three mile daily walks because I have clocked up a few extra miles on longer walks. It's like a deposit account, today I have 570 miles in the bank. On the other hand, if I take my eye off the ball for too long there is a possibility that I might fall behind. I can't let that happen.

So how are you doing? Let us know so we can admire your stamina or give you a kick up the bum to get on with it. Only joking, don't get too hung up about the numbers, just do as much as you can. It needs to be enjoyable, not a slog.

Thanks for popping in, we'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip

I have a set of balls

I have a set of balls

blogging observations reflections on life

Hello. I will never understand how people can be horrible to each other, why they feel the need to bully another human being. Is this a behaviour which is learnt, or are people born bullies? My memory doesn't go back to the beginning of my life, but I can't remember me ever bullying anyone. Indeed I was bullied at school, mainly name calling with reference to my appearance, but that's what kids did then and still do now.

What is the point of bullying exactly? Possibly to exert some kind of authority over someone the bully feels is inferior to them, it massages their ego to gain the upper hand. Possibly the bully feels threatened and needs to lash out to re enforce their own feelings of inferiority, again to 'big' themselves up. Or maybe they have a nasty trait in their personality.

Over the last five years or so, Troll has made it her mission to put me down, to criticize, to belittle me, and to ridicule my blog. The comments come in thick and fast, nearly always anonymous, sometimes with made up names, but always from the same area of the UK. I have a tracker on here. Sometimes they go quiet for a while, the Troll tells me they won't be reading any more. But the temptation is too great and they reappear after a gap of a few months. A little bit like OCD, Troll just cannot help themselves.

I call this person Troll, but in reality it is not trolling, it is bullying. This Troll has admitted that we have met face to face. A real Troll randomly posts nasty comments to everyone and everybody, this Troll is bullying me and it's personal.

Although the comments are aimed at putting me down, at undermining my confidence, after this length of time and the fact that I am still here, you can probably tell it's not working. The comments say more about the Troll than they do about me. I publish a few of them here for your perusal. Some of them are a lot worse than this, they get deleted, but I have saved a few of them so you can look into the mind of a bully. My comments in bold follow each one.

I don’t understand why you have cider and pretend it’s wine. Why not just have wine? Why pretend? Silly giggly video. Sipping it ‘like a lady’ doesn’t cut it for you, not when you’ve already demonstrated eating your meal out of a pan! Definitely not ladylike AT ALL! Not to mention the unmentionables, they’re certainly not ladylike!!!! on Save money on your alcohol.
Troll has no sense of humour. Personal comments about my appearance often crop up.

Posh speaking tone? Do you need a hearing aid my dear? There is nothing posh about mispronouncing the English language. As in ‘everythinK’ on Soup of the day.

in response to Ilona, I just had to watch your soup-making video, and thanks, you really made me smile! I agree that a home-made soup is the very best, though I sometimes throw in a small, diluted tin of chicken noodle soup into one of my concoctions just to make a bigger potful. Anyway, quite enjoyed your posh and clear speaking tone 

I expect the Troll is meticulous about using the English language correctly, both written and speech.

I agree, how rude. So disrespectful to call them Charlie and Cami, perhaps she thinks that’s funny. But what else can you expect from someone who doesn’t have a grasp of the Queen’s English, put everythinK in the soup. on Soup of the day.
A second criticism of how I speak, in the same post. 

Not sure you got your money’s worth there. £10 is an awful lot to pay for a bit of hard skin removing and a blob of moisturiser! on Hugo says.....

Another attempt to belittle me.

You certainly need a tripod. Two minutes of a shaky sink left me feeling quite nauseated. Your housework chores must take an awfully long time, it took you 3 minutes to wash one tiny patch of floor!!! on Getting close up to the job
I expect the Troll's household chores to be nothing less than perfectly timed. Critical of my fun post, again, no sense of humour. 

It’s none of your business whether someone gets paid for walking a dog. Tittle tattle of someone with nothing better to occupy their mind. on Fan of Heartbeat
Is Troll still working and is a little jealous that I can do exactly what I want with my time?

Hmmm, I do recall you yourself do put the occasional swear word on your blog, perhaps it’s marked by *** for some of the letters but the meaning is the same. on Mind your language
Troll has really dug deep to discover this snippet of detail from a blog post long past. Very OCD

Bugsy needs to be warm? Shame that you didn’t think that for poor arthritic Rocky. on Bills Bills Bills
Very below the belt. How low can Troll stoop? Very nasty streak. 

Chocolate Santas...its not Christmas again is it?! on Slashing the grocery bill

Chocolate Santas? Ha ha thought that would make you think. Write a post one day saying you don’t indulge in junk food then expose all on your receipt. You’re sure to say you bought them for someone else now, but we’re not all so gullible. Did you NEED all that veg? There were others who would have liked more. on Slashing the grocery bill
More scrutiny of past blog posts. The Chocolate Santa's were in a small packet costing 25p,  five of them, half the size of my little finger. Regarding all that veg, yes I did need it, and ate it, and there was plenty for others to take. Troll being nasty again. 

I don’t usually comment but find a contradiction here! Ha ha! You don’t want food that’s full of sugar and is junk? What’s cake then? Not to mention Chocolate Santas? CHOCOLATE SANTAS! Go on then tell us they’re for someone else, we’ll believe you! on Slashing the grocery bill
Don't kid me Troll, don't usually comment, ha ha. Three comments on the Chocolate Santa's. 

You could always sell trumpets. on Life is good on a pension
This is reference to blowing my own trumpet, which she has often accused me of in the past. 

What’s the big deal? Ok so you don’t like Christmas or socialising. Neither do I but I don’t make a big deal or fuss about it. Choose to stay home? Then stay home! Who cares? One thing for sure – you’re not likely to get invited next year so you won’t have the choice to make! One difference between you and me - I don’t feel the need to pontificate and repeatedly say ‘I am’ and big myself up. I don’t have an ego the size of a house either! on Only available from a supermarket
Troll, there is a big difference between you and me. I don't continually go onto someone else's blog and pull them to pieces. That's a laugh, ego the size of a house. I have never touted for more readers, more followers, and never entered for any blog awards. Don't need to increase my page views, because there is no financial gain for me to do so.

And the reason for this post is........if you are being bullied, get yourself a set of balls. The bully has the problems not you. Be thankful that you are not walking in their shoes, that your brain functions normally and your mind is not warped. Surround yourself with nice people and let the bullies fester in their own swamp.

I'm going to enjoy the rest of the day, looks good enough outside to go a walk. Thanks for popping in, we'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip 

What are you going to be when you grow up.

What are you going to be when you grow up.

observations reflections on life

Hello. I watched the first episode of Tina and Bobby on itv catch up last night, and was hoping for something similar to the Cilla story set in the 1960's. Sheridan Smith played a very credible Cilla Black, she seems to be able to turn her acting skills into any character she takes on.

Michelle Keegan plays Tina, wife of Bobby Moore, Lorne MacFadyen plays Bobby. I must say, I was a bit disappointed. Michelle left her role of Tina McIntyre in Coronation Street a while back to explore different roles and establish herself as a versatile actress. I didn't see the drama set in the army in which she played a squadie, 'Our Girl', I think it was called. Re inventing yourself each time you take on a different role must take quite a lot of effort, some can do it, but sometimes a little bit of the previous character is always there in the background.

I was hoping to see a brand new Michelle Keegan, giving it her all, and taking on a whole new personality. In the first episode I saw Tina Coronation Street, playing Tina the Footballers Wife. The script wasn't particularly enthralling either, the scenes were too short to encompass deep emotions, not allowing the actors to showcase their full potential. The producers/directors were in too much of a hurry to fit everything into the first episode. It didn't have me on the edge of my seat, and I am not chomping at the bit to see what comes next. I will watch, but only to see if the acting improves.

Anyway, that's bye the bye. It got me thinking about the different roles we all find ourselves in throughout our lives. When you think about it, we have to adapt to our circumstances, we have to keep up with whatever changes present themselves to us. Ok, so we don't have to switch from one character to another like actors do, there are longer periods of time in between our different roles. Quite often our roles do overlap, and for those expert multi taskers it shouldn't be too much of a problem when with practice they can jiggle two or three roles at the same time.

For years I defined myself as being a lorry driver, a woman working in a male dominated environment, I adapted to that role. Now that is in the past, I have a new role which I have created for myself. Yes, I harp back sometimes, the memories never go away, but we are all acting on a big stage or on a film set. We all have a role to play in the grand scheme of things. Finding the right pace on how fast we move on in life is all down to us as individual actors.

Michelle must have asked herself at some point if she wants a fairly secure job for life, by staying in Coronation Street, in the same way that say, a person working at the steelworks might want to work in the same place until retirement. Michelle chose to make changes and take a different direction, to explore new opportunities.

I was happy to stay in transport because of the variety, I had to adapt very quickly to driving all types of vehicles and deliver all kinds of loads, and work for lots of different companies. It gave me a buzz. Then the buzz died and I moved on.

Right some questions for you. Are you where you want to be, honestly? Can you see yourself doing something else? Will you be able to adapt? Will you be taking on new roles? Or would you like to stay where you are? There might be another role for me yet, something else might come my way. That's the exciting part of life, it evolves, new situations, never know what's around the corner.

I'll leave you with that thought. Bugsy has eaten overnight, and this morning. He seems a bit better. I have a WI frugal talk to do tonight, need to get my props ready for that.

Thanks for popping in, we'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip

My answers to the questions

My answers to the questions

observations reflections on life

Hello. I'm a bit stuck for ideas tonight, so I thought I would have a go with this questions and answers thingy nicked from the Guardian. If you want to read Suzi Quatro's answers click here. Lovely Grey did it the other day, thanks for the idea. If you want to read LG's answers click here.

When were you happiest?
 Lying in my bunk under my duvet in a truck, listening to the rain hammering down on the roof. 

What is your greatest fear?

A traumatic death. I just want to fall asleep.

What is your earliest memory?

Peeing my pants on the way home from school.

Which living person do you most admire, and why?

Susan Boyle. She knew she had a talent for singing and never gave up. She followed her dream.  

What was your most embarrassing moment?

I pulled out of a Lucas Factory in Birminghamwith a trailer full of machinery. I had only just got out of the gate when a large machine fell off and covered the road in oil. Everyone came to see what caused the loud bang. The fire brigade had to come and mop the oil up.  

Property aside, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
 A car.

What makes you unhappy?

The way the world is going. Too many power crazy people. Cruelty to animals makes me very unhappy.

Who would play you in the film of your life?

Bette Midler

What is your most unappealing habit?

Talking over people before they have finished their sentence. I want to move on quickly and they are rambling all around the houses.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

I never feel guilty. Life is a pleasure.

What is top of your bucket list?

I don’t have a bucket list. I make the best of each day as it comes.

What did you want to be when you were growing up?

A bricklayer, then a fashion model.

What is the worst thing anyone’s said to you?

My brother said, you look bloody awful, why don’t you get some contact lenses. He was right, and I did. It hurt at the time but it turned out to be the best thing anyone said.  

What do you owe your parents?

I owe my mother everything because she gave birth to me. I suppose my father had a part in that too. 

What does love feel like?

Sort of mushy.

What was the best kiss of your life?

Impossible to answer, can’t pinpoint one. There’s been some pretty hot ones over the years.

 Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?

Noel Fitzpatrick, the Supervet.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Can’t be bothered.

What has been your biggest disappointment?

 That I was never pretty. 

If you could go back in time, where would you go?

1968. I left home and got a bedsit in Blackpool.

How often do you have sex?

 I'm celibate, can't be bothered, been there, done that.

When did you last cry, and why?

A few days ago, missing Rocky.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Sticking with lorry driving for 32 years, despite all the bullying.

What song would you like played at your funeral?

Down Down  Status Quo. As loud as possible.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

Nothing stays the same. Every day is a brand new start, you can’t change what happened yesterday so move on. 

Thanks to everyone who has shared their money saving tips for Christmas. I knew you wouldn't let me down. You're chuffin brilliant. 

Thanks for popping in, we'll catch up soon.

Toodle pip

PS this is copy and pasted, I hope it works. Please excuse the higgledypiggledy margins. I ain't changing it. 

Cheer up, it might never happen

Cheer up, it might never happen

observations reflections on life

Hello. The emails are piling up, I will get round to replying sooner or later, be patient. One blog reader has put in a request so I will endeavour to answer her questions. A bit from her email.....
I wonder whether you would be good enough to do a blog post on how you stay so positive and happy? I'm nearing sixty and retired, life is getting a bit lonely. Don't get me wrong, I'm mobile, go out regularly and have lots of interests but my spirits are deteriorating. I just wondered, living alone as you do, how you keep so mentally cheerful and indeed, what cheers you in Life in general. I hope that makes sense?

It's always fascinating to learn how other people deal with living alone and I'm sure other people reading your blog would benefit from your thoughts. Unfortunately where I live there's a lot of emphasis on keeping children, young people and families entertained, but there's nothing for the older single person except Whist, Bowls etc and I'd rather die than do things like that. I think that's why so many people are old before their time - because they don't take any risks but fall into the 'old person' trap. It would be interesting to hear how you cope as I'm sure you must also get lonely sometimes?

Phew, where to begin. I think I have covered some aspects of this topic before but I can't find it anywhere. 

Living alone. I have had a lot of practice at it, if you do something long enough you get used to it. It would feel pretty strange to me if there was someone else here. Some people are family orientated and love being part of a large family, I am not one of those. I suppose that's the  independent streak in me, I think I was born with it. I always wanted to earn my own money and pay my way in life. I wanted to retain my individuality and not become half of somebody else. It's horses for courses, some people function better as a couple, I do not. 

Do I get lonely sometimes? Hardly ever is the answer. I can take myself off in my head to a different place. I don't actually need people around me to be happy, I am happy with my own company. Admitted, I do wonder sometimes if anyone cares about me, but I can't control how anyone else thinks, I can only control my own thoughts. For instance, I visit family in the Midlands, but apart from my sister, (she rings me), I rarely hear from any of them from one year to the next. I'm a bit disappointed that I make the effort and they don't, but then I remember that they are young, have busy lives, and have family of their own. I will probably end up being the aged aunt and cousin that no one can be bothered with. I am not bitter about that because that's how life is. I made my choices a long time ago, the position I find myself in is down to me, no one else. 

I have built a friendship base around me here, I know I can walk out of the door and there will always be someone to talk to. Saying that, if a person is so inclined you can be lonely in the busiest of cities. Low self esteem, shyness, lack of ideas on how to entertain yourself will lead to withdrawing indoors and not mixing with people. A suitable plan would be to work out what exactly you want to do. Really, for a single person the world is your oyster, the only hurdle you have to get over is to convince yourself to get on with it. 

You need to know why your spirits are deteriorating. Is it because you have run out of ideas? You ask how I keep so mentally cheerful, and what cheers me about life in general. I have said this before, I live with an attitude of gratitude. I am so very grateful that I have everything I need. I am so pleased that I was born in the UK, pleased that my parents were hard working and my mum taught me how to manage on not much money. So pleased that I found a job at 15 and worked for the next 45 years. I am so very happy that I have reasonably good health, and hope very much that it continues. 

I am an optimistic person, never worry about bad things that might happen because they probably never will. I take one day at a time and don't look too far ahead into the future. I wake up each morning and take a few minutes to be grateful that I am still breathing, and think about the wonderful day I might have. What have I got to worry about? Absolutely nothing. 

How do I keep so mentally cheerful? I have a filter in my brain that blocks all the crap. I can't remember when I last had a negative thought. We don't have to take any old stuff that is thrown at us. We have the ability to make our own choices, we can decide where we want to be, and my choice is to be happy. 

It goes without saying that a fit body, getting lots of exercise, is also the key to a healthy mind. It has been proven over and over again. Look at the difference between those who slump in front of the telly every night, eating takeaways and rubbish food, to someone who goes running, walking, cycling, and goes to the gym.  Look at the amount of empty cans and wine bottles in the recycling boxes. All these poor life choices will affect how the brain works. This is not me lecturing, anyone can do exactly as they like, but I personally try and look after myself. We only get one body, once it's knackered that's it. Now someone is going to point out that even slim healthy people can have heart attacks. There you go, I've said it for you so you don't have to bother putting that in a comment. 

I think I'm going to wind this up now, I've been rambling on long enough. Before I go though, I will say this. I know nothing about depression and mental health problems. If anyone thinks they are really struggling the best thing to do would be to seek help and support from a professionally qualified person. I am not that person. 

Thanks for popping in. We'll catch up soon.

Toodle pip

Owain the weather man.

Owain the weather man.

crafty stuff music observations odds-n-sods

Hello. It's raining at the moment, our weather man Owain, says it's going to clear away throughout the day and we are going to have a bright weekend. Owain comes on my Twitter every morning, giving me the forecast so I can plan my daily activities.

He has a lovely presenting style, with a melodic welsh accent which I love. He's so cheerful with his smiley face. His profile says he likes drumming, and cats, so I asked if I could see him play the drums. Lo and behold he sent me a link to one of his yooootoooob videos, and by jove, he is good. I am impressed, a man of many talents, he speaks in Welsh as well. So here I am sharing this bit of sunshine with you on this rainy morning.

First a short profile, some examples of his work, note the longer hairstyle.



Now watch him bash hell out of his drum kit. Looks like a good upper body workout to me.



Good isn't he.

So. What am I doing today?

Playing with fabric scraps, I am in the mood for making a bag.

How are the Walking Group members getting on with their 1000 mile challenge? I am on 575 miles, need another eight to get me to the 7 month marker of 583 miles. Need this rain to stop please Owain.

Don't forget that Shed of the Year starts tonight on Channel 4 at 8pm. My shed will not be on this programme, you will have to wait until the fourth and last programme which will be on the 19th of August. However you will catch glimpses of me in the audience as I was there throughout the filming of the finals.

Lunch time, so I'll sign off. Have a nice weekend. We'll catch up soon
Toodle pip

Addicted to the computer, ha ha.

Addicted to the computer, ha ha.

learning observations reflections on life

Hello. Something e said yesterday has given me a prompt for this post. She said, 'I have a coffee out habit that I need to stop, that's the next to go'.

My first thoughts are, well no, that doesn't have to go. Something that is enjoyable and gives pleasure makes life fun, and we all need some of that. To deprive ourselves of pleasurable experiences would make life pretty miserable and would get us down over a period of time.

There are good habits and bad habits. A good habit makes us feel happy, a bad habit causes us grief and makes us unhappy. It's a sliding scale, it's about knowing when a good habit becomes a bad habit, and ultimately becomes a problem.  Drinking copious amounts of coffee every day would be a punishment to our bodies and our purses, in the long term it could make us ill and skint.

At some point a bad habit would then become an obsession, and then an addiction, something to be avoided at all costs. Addictions can cause us to lose all sense of normality, a place where we would like to get back to before the blessed addiction took over our lives.

Seems like a habit could be the start of a slippery slope to me, and I'm not just talking about drinking coffee, it could be anything you do to excess. Best nip it in the bud before it takes hold. Easier said than done because that takes will power, and there is no one size fits all. Everyone has different levels of will power.

We all know the term, 'everything in moderation', and I agree with that. No need to deprive yourself of anything. Instead of having a coffee out every time you go out, you could take a drink with you from home on alternate days, make gradual changes over a few weeks instead of making your self miserable by suddenly stopping.

Now this method of weaning yourself off something may not work for all if you are a long way down the slippery slope and your life is controlled by a destructive addiction. Some people can go cold turkey then have to endure all the withdrawal symptoms that go with it. Suddenly stopping something and hoping your life can be changed by that one decision might work for some, but not everyone. Knowing your own personality comes into it, do you have the support you need around you, and do you ultimately know the place you want to be. Of course it goes without saying, if controlling your addiction is likely to affect your health, you must seek the advice of a doctor first.

So how do I incorporate the 'everything in moderation', into my own life? I like a Magnum ice cream when I am out for the day, but it's not always on my mind to buy one. If I see a fridge with a selection of different flavours they beckon me to lift the lid and choose one. I may walk away and resist the temptation because I don't fancy one, or I had one not so long ago. The longer the time scale between treats the more of a treat it is. A Magnum every day would be boring, make me sick, and at £1.80 each they would cost me a whopping £657 a year, madness.

Same with a bottle of wine. I only buy a bottle when I actually fancy it, to drink that day or the day after. I will pay £5 for it because I like the taste, and I don't know what expensive wine tastes like so I can't compare. My wine purchases are about two bottles a month now, and I see these as a treat. To drink it every day would ruin my liver, my heart, and I would put weight on. There's no danger of me becoming addicted to booze.

So, moving on. I am not trying to dictate here what anyone should or shouldn't be doing. The old sayings that have been around for centuries, like, 'Everything in moderation', and 'Variety is the spice of life', are actually true. We can have our treats, and we can try new ways of doing things. The world out there is for exploring our beliefs, our bodies, our relationships, and our minds. You decide whether you are doing something to excess, you decide when you want or need to make changes, and you decide whether you are in control or something is controlling you.

Slowly but surely, bit by bit, you can make the changes you want. It doesn't need to happen overnight, but the determination to succeed must be there in the first place. Good luck, and I hope you get the life you strive for. Best wishes,
Ilona

PS, and now I have broken my rule to write short posts in the summer because I want to do other things. Trouble is, that if something is on my mind, and an idea is triggered by something I have seen or read about, I have to go with it. So now I'm going to get of this chuffin computer and go outside. Toodle pip

Ten good reasons why ..............

Ten good reasons why ..............

health observations reflections on life

Hello. There are a lot of things going on around us which might cause us a lot of worry and upset, whether it  be inside our friends and family circle, or outside in the big wide world. It is very easy to be affected by what we see, what we read about and what others tell us face to face, because we all have feelings. Quite often it is difficult to control what we feel because our emotions are personal to us and part of our genetic make up. We can appear to be in control but we can also be caught off guard and become angry or sad pretty quickly when something negative happens. We don't always have a choice about how we feel.

But..... I also believe that in some circumstances our emotions can be controlled and we can learn how to deal with situations which may have a less than desirable outcome.  There are times when I feel that whatever I say or do will not make any difference to how a situation pans out, so it's best to take a back seat and do nothing. This is not to say I am not a caring person because I am. I do feel hurt and sadness, I do have empathy for someone who is in a bad place, but I am not going to beat myself up about something I have no control over whatsoever.

If something has affected me I will try and identify the solution. If I can't do anything to change things, to turn  a negative into a positive, I have to put my own feelings first. My coping strategy is to switch off.

So here are my ten good reasons why I might bury my head in the sand.

1. I can't do anything about it.
2. It's got nothing to do with me.
3. I don't want to know what happened.
4. I don't need to know what happened.
5. I need to protect my sanity.
6. It's not my fault.
7. I can ignore it.
8. It doesn't affect me.
9. I am not responsible for the outcome.
10. I don't need the stress.

You may have your own coping strategies. In these modern times in a fast moving world it would be very easy to absorb all the turmoil and upset we see around us. There has to be a cut off point, a time when we think of ourselves. It's not being selfish, it's a matter of self preservation, putting our own health and well being first.

Thanks for popping in. we'll catch up soon.
Toodle pip

A question and an answer (Topic closed)

A question and an answer (Topic closed)

observations ponderings reflections on life

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Hello. Someone asked a question, I will answer.

Lovely scenery. I wish we had that here where I live. I have a question. Are you at all affected by the refugee/muslim situation or are you too far out in the country to be impacted? I would love to hear the opinion from someone living in England instead of reading about it in the mistrustful media.

Long time readers may remember I wrote a post about the UK being full up and having no room to take more. It is almost three years ago I, aka Nellie, wrote that. It attracted 76 comments, many from people who have looked into the more complex issues of mass migration. I see Britain as a pot flowing over with people it cannot sustain because of weak infrastructures and insufficient resources. I haven't changed my view on this, but I am more mindful of what I say now, as it seems that anyone with this view is labelled as right wing and racist. I am choosing my words carefully. 

The movement of whole populations from one country to another is what I would class as an invasion, Europe is being invaded. The cause of this is the clash between different cultures, war in other places, and economic migrants who want a better life elsewhere. Who do I blame for all this unrest? The internet. People have always moved around the world for one reason or another, but not in such great numbers. Sorry I have not studied history in great depth, so you might know different. Now, everyone with a hand held device and an internet connection can see that life would be somewhat better than the place they were born in, so they want to make the journey. 

We (the UK) need more houses, jobs, hospitals, and schools to accommodate newcomers, the Government tells us the country is bust, no money. We already have a lot of homeless people living on the streets, people waiting for medical care and operations, and classrooms of unacceptably high numbers of children. I can't see how we can take in more without improvements to all these services. 

People will keep on coming, whole armies of them, it's like a great tidal wave that can't be stopped. It's all well and good saying they won't get any benefits for four years if they come here, so what is the Government going to do? Let them starve so they end up stealing to survive, or frog march them forcibly back to where they came from? Questions I don't know the answers to. 

In my crystal ball I see vast culture changes where east and west meet in the middle, neither sides wanting to give up their heritage. Those that come here will want to copy their previous life, on new soil, those that were born here will want to hang on to their British values and principles. It's going to be difficult. It's going to mean change for everyone and people are going to struggle with that. 

In my opinion, if you go and live in another country you abide by their laws, their rules, learn their language and integrate. I choose to stay here because I don't want to do that. If I say any more about that I will be called racist. 

I had better answer the question and stop waffling on. Am I affected by the refugee/muslim situation, or am I too far out into the country to be impacted? At the moment I am not directly affected. I can get to see a doctor if I need to. I expect that to become more difficult as numbers of immigrants swell, so I'd better try and keep healthy. I have a house so I don't have to look for one. 

I can find places of solitude in the country to continue my walking. I have noticed my town becoming more multicultural, and I have to say, this makes me feel uneasy. I am more aware of my surroundings when shopping, looking around me, steering clear of anyone who behaves in an unusual manner. Crime can be committed by any nationality of course, but if someone is desperate there's no telling what they will do. 

In the last few days it has been reported in the press of car jackings, an elderly lady was dragged out of her car and run over as the car was driven away. Not saying that the crook was an migrant, but it makes you think about what could happen. Best to lock yourself in your car as you are driving through built up areas, and not get out if you are approached. 

The sight of so many dark skinned men and youths roaming around the towns in groups makes me feel very uneasy. Am I allowed to say that? It is reported that trafficers are looking for new routes into Britain because of the security at the southern ports is tightening. Only last week a lorry load of human cargo came into Hull docks, it won't stop, there will be more. 

My prediction. In years to come Europe will change beyond all recognition. People have a chance to vote in or out in June, and no one knows exactly what will happen if it goes one way or the other. Discussions welcome, no fighting  :o)

Thank you for the question, I have answered it to the best of my ability.

Thank you for popping in. We'll catch up soon. 
Toodle pip

A delicate subject

A delicate subject

observations reflections on life relationships

Hello. Have you been listening to The Archers? I have to say I gave up with it a long time ago, the story lines were not holding my attention, so I drifted away from it. However, it has been in the news a lot lately, all down to the domestic abuse saga of Helen and Rob which has been rumbling on for around 18 months. I read that they were covering this topic but I didn't feel inclined to jump back in again, it would have brought back unpleasant memories of the past when I found myself in a similar situation. I only know too well what it's like to be the victim of  a bullying control freak, it's a horrible place to be.

A week or so ago I caught the scene where it all came to a head, through not turning the radio off quick enough. Helen took a knife and stabbed Rob, lot's of screaming and shouting. Thank goodness my situation did not escalate to that level, but never the less, my relationship brought a lot of mental stress, which is just as destructive as physical violence. Never under estimate the power of a manipulative mind taking control of another persons personality.

I've found an article in The Guardian in which the writer Michele Hanson says the harrowing domestic story line has her hooked. It is planned to trundle on for another year, as Rob is not dead. I for one will not be listening, I have first hand knowledge to know what it is like to be worn down, to become a shadow of your former self.

I sometimes mention my diaries, picking out little stories to post here, and in order to keep this a happy blog I have skipped over the not so happy times. But hey, life is not all roses, shit happens and you have to find a way to deal with it. I think it's a good idea to include topical subjects, as well as the 'ups', it's also the 'downs', which make me the person I am, and it's my blog so I can say what I like. I'm going to make an exception now of picking out a few entries of the three years or so when I was victim of bullying. You may or may not want to read it, but if it helps someone take stock of their own lives, puts their situation in perspective, and gives food for thought, then it's worthwhile me sitting here and bashing the keyboard.

I got through it in a relatively short space time, but I did think I was trapped forever and I would be stuck in that situation indefinitely. I went round in circles in my head, knowing what I needed to do, but I wasn't quite strong enough to change things, until I saw sense. I have mentioned that I can say what I like now, but it wasn't always like that during the three years of this relationship. I had to be mindful of everything that came out of my mouth, because every word was picked over, dissected, and questioned. My every move was monitored by this person who wanted full control over me. I was interrogated, accused, spied on, manipulated, and all I ever wanted to do was to make it work between us.

I went along with it because saying he loved me was easy words to roll off his tongue. If he got what he wanted he only had to say those words, and I put any doubts to the back of my mind. And it went on, a vicious circle. Eventually those doubts grew from a few seeds, to fully grown stinging nettles. Slowly I began to realize that the relationship was not normal. People, my friends and work colleagues, noticed that I had changed, and I had, to be the person he wanted me to be. I voluntarily made the changes in the beginning, because my single days were over and I was now part of a couple. But after a while I didn't like the new me, I wanted the old one back. There is only so long that you can act in character, it's important to remember the real you inside. I was always a friendly happy person, but I changed that for him. I became introvert, and scared to open my mouth, not like me at all.

Actual words from my diaries. We weren't living together.
T (made up initial), was mad with me because I was talking to M yesterday. He accused me of fancying him. What a horrible mess, we are not getting anywhere. He was annoyed, he finished with me because M was talking to me. I am fed up with the whole situation. T gets mad when he can't see me.

It all went wrong and T was mad with me, he came to the house and was shouting at me. I was ready to finish with him, I put his clothes in a bag, then took them back.

T rang this morning, said I hadn't answered the question he asked yesterday, which was why do I look at all the other men, when I was with him. We then had a stupid conversation which didn't gain anything. I gave him my answer, he said he didn't believe me.

I didn't do much this afternoon, didn't feel like it. Felt sad that I am on my own. T said he might come round, but of course he didn't. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know how he can treat me like he does. I'm just convenient for him to call on whenever he feels like it. I must be stupid to put up with it.

I rang T on the mobile, I have been getting fed up with the situation. I said we are miles apart with differences. He was mad with me. I just want an end to it now. I said this has got to stop, this is the end of the line for me. T is not what I want from a partner, he doesn't know how to love, how to care properly. He is always nasty, moody, snappy, in a bad mood, and miserable. I can't cope with all this gloom and doom.

Fed up with everything, I want to get my life sorted. Can't concentrate while everything is messy. T rang and asked me to pick him up. I said I was upset yesterday about coming back to an empty house after he promised to be there. He asked if I had any feelings for anyone else. The man is screwed up I am sure.

I could go on, but I'll stop there. You get the picture, I was at his beck and call. So how did I get out of it? The discontent on my part had built up over a period of time. I had put so much into the relationship, he was going to be my partner for life, but I wasn't getting anything back from it. He would have gone on for longer, bullying me into getting what he wanted, but I knew I had to get out. I felt a complete failure, he had eroded my personality that much I was a different person. I had to change back to how I was.

It took a while, because he carried on pestering me. He kept ringing for a long time afterwards, eventually the calls got less and less. I did not ask for any help in dealing with it, I wanted to sort it myself, and I did. I got busy, made myself do things, changed things around in my house, started to go out more, and find some new friends. I put the whole sorry situation in a dark hole where it belonged.

I wish it had never started, but it did, and you can't change the past. I have learnt from it, and I will never be in that situation again. I am happy now. I'll put the diaries away now, I won't destroy them because you can never completely erase the past. The Archers abuse story happens every day all over the world. I feel for the women, and men, experiencing it now. The programme is covering a very sensitive subject and needs to be talked about, I won't be listening though.

It's a lovely day, I'm going to open up the summer house and have a potter in the garden.

Thank you for popping in. We'll catch up tomorrow.
Toodle pip